Should.

I came across a friend's blog today, and she had this posted.
.

So, I did a little research for myself, and turns out -- the results are the same -- the numbers just look different. My search came up with 9617 "should" and 1099 "shouldn't".

That's a lot of regret.

Today, I have none. I finished my internship.

The Homestretch!

10 days left! The countdown has indeed begun for the end of this internship, and I find myself sitting on a bag of mixed emotions. I'm really thinking I'm going to need a few days/weeks to process this summer after I step away from the environment. I've learned a lot about myself (and others) the last 10.5 weeks, and I just pray for further self-discovery & enlightenment -- which sounds cheesy, but is true.

I'm taking a quiet night at Dad's house tonight, as he's out of town and there is a Heath Ledger movie fest going on at the house. I have loved and hated sharing a house with 5 (sometimes 8) other girls. It's been such a freaking social experiment if nothing. We all have come from such diverse backgrounds, and we all have stories. That's what I'm discovering, we all have stories to tell. I've also discovered that I can't discount or amplify someone else's story in comparison to my own.

I will miss the laughs, the madness, not getting enough sleep & being delirious, art nights, late night talks with Karlie, Christine, and/or Jake Ryan, and a lot of other things. I'll miss the constant companionship. At the beginning of the Summer all I could think about was how much I missed my apartment and my solitude, but now I don't want to be that isolated and alone. I've just learned so much, and I'll miss those middle schoolers. I never thought I'd have a heart for awkward, sassy older kids with hormones, but turns out I love those littles. We had an AMAZING night Wednesday as our closing Revo (which has been our weekly community night). We went to Franklin Park and had a Muckfest, which is an organized food fight. After being covered in a slew of things that should never be mixed together (Cheerios, chocolate syrup, nacho cheese, pork & beans, anyone?), the Fire Department so graciously came and hosed us off for a good 45 minutes. It was this beautiful moment that made every tear & ounce of sweat completely worth it. It made frustration disappear to see the middle schoolers we finally know just dance around in the water. And there was water EVERYWHERE. It was so much fun, and I can only hope to ever experience such a sweet moment again.

And for all of you wondering... my gimp foot is healing. After a series of appointments at my family doctor, I decided to get a second opinion. Turns out what they thought was the fracture was really an old injury circa 1997. So, I just have a really bad sprain, and the boot I've been wearing has been overkill. I graduated to this new brace on Wednesday, and though I can finally wear 2 shoes again, I've not really enjoyed my new freedom. My foot has been all sorts of swollen & sore since I ditched the boot. One might accuse me of overdoing it, but that one can go to dark fiery places for all I care. I really haven't been too hard on my foot, albeit out-running kids aching to throw food on me at Muckfest may have been a little much.

I think I might have to make another post of shout-out-worthy quotes from the Summer later.

Stretch Armstrong

I'm going to go ahead and double post because it's my blog & I can do what I want.

I feel like God is stretching me beyond all the limits I have made for myself in the last 25 years. This internship (LTP) has been an AMAZING experience not just in maturing my relationship with Christ, but maturing my relationship with myself. I'm a little over half-way done with this gig, and I'm just caught in a moment of realizing I really had no idea what I signed up for. It's a good thing, really good, but I'm so blown away by what has already happened in me, that I really am excited for the next half.

I'm starting to get to know the kids at the church, and we're having a blast. We had Summer Bible Camp (SBC), and it was such a treat. It's Heartland's version of vacation bible school, and this year they had a team from SportsLife Camps bring camp in. The team that visited was an amazing group based out of Chicago. We had the pleasure of hosting them in the intern house, bringing the total number of girls sharing space to TEN, and we had so much fun together. We grew so close in 5 days, and we were so sad to see them go. There is a group of us planning a trip to Chicago to visit them right after LTP is over. Here's a group picture after the last day of camp on Thursday, with Dan as Captain X-CITO:
I'm just going to finish this post with a few pictures:
First is Tiffany, Elizabeth, & me... we share a room.

Then we have a group of the girl interns minus the HS girls & Allison:

Finally, the two goofs who keep us ALL laughing, Karlie & Jen (who was actually imitating Karlie in this picture):

Effing Sweet.

Not so much. I broke my freaking ankle/leg on Thursday, and it's SO annoying. I can't even emphasize enough how much I HATE being disabled. I am currently unable to drive since my right leg is the one that's all gimped out, so I'm learning to ask for rides. I don't do forced humility well, or humility PERIOD for that matter. It's something I strive for, something I want more of, but something I hate getting. I realize that probably makes no sense, it's just that my pride tank is overflowing, and it doesn't really like to be emptied. I would be fine being able to cart myself around when I want, how I want, and where I want, without worrying about listening to bad music, not being able to freely adjust the temperature, or seeing my life flash before my eyes as the result of bad driving -- and then being grateful that someone actually wanted to cart me around.

So I go to back to the Dr. in 2 weeks to find out 1. if I'm having surgery and 2. how long I'll be hobbling around. I think the most annoying part is that my arms are more sore than my ankle was yesterday... today my ankle is sore because I decided going to the mall without crutches would be a good idea. Not so much. It made sense to me at the time -- like I woke up with sore arms, and a leg that was tolerable with weight. That changed as soon as we hit the mall, and by the time I got home, I was swollen, sore, and mad at myself. Lesson learned. Crutches are now going everywhere, and I'll appreciate the massive biceps later.

Random & Beautiful

The name of the game:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd's mosaic maker).

The Questions:

1. What is your first name?: Rachel
2. What is your favorite food?: Chris' Vegan Cooking
3. What high school did you go to?: Bountiful High
4. What is your favorite color?: Pink & Green
5. Who is your celebrity crush?: Roberty Downey Jr.
6. Favorite drink?: Water
7. Dream vacation?: Pamukkale, Turkey
8. Favorite dessert?: Blackberry Cobbler
9. What you want to be when you grow up?: a Believer
10. What do you love most in life?: pure love
11. One Word to describe you.: resilient
12. Your flickr name.: pretty_thing

1. Rachels, Rachels, everywhere, 2. Mmm... Domestic!, 3. 1994 BHS Marquee, 4. ready for the party......???, 5. little corner of my little retreat, 6. Prenent un Bany. Taking a Bath., 7. Pamukkale, Turkey, 8. Blackberry Cobbler, 9. Here we shall know deceit yet shall we keep it in our bosoms along with all our lost hearts........, 10. Goldsboro NC - Pure Love, 11. Resilient, 12. Henný

Complete FEAR!

I would like to throw out a quick THANK YOU JESUS for coffee & other assorted hot beverages. I'm not even kidding right now. I woke up, and you know how when you wake up & no one is either there or in this case awake, so you don't get to test your voice. (That was an intense grammatical mess, but you get my point, correct?) Well, this morning I was cleaning up/killing mobs of ants that had infiltrated the living room thanks to someone leaving a half empty smoothie NEXT to a window while everyone was still sleeping. Aside: I've slept like CRAP since I started this internship, so I was awake & cleaning at 6:30 am, which is just not right. End aside. So no one was up, and then someone did wake up & I started talking and realized I had this not-cute-at-all raspy voice. And the more I talked the worse it got. So I walked across the street to the church where we have internet & coffee. I brewed some Joe, and now I have a not-so-creepy-but-still-not-cute raspy voice. Woohoo! I think my life would be over & I would have to cry if I lost my voice.

Let's take a walk.

There has been so much beautiful change in my life, coupled with the awareness of my own inability to adapt to change without sucking completely.  The weeks of May 11 & May 18 were probably the longest weeks I've experienced in a long time.  M-Th I spent finishing up my last week of this semester with my kids at work.  It SUCKS how much I miss them.  I truly feel completely and utterly blessed to have been a part of lives of 19 toddlers.  The year went by so fast, and we all grew so much.

Anyway, Friday was moving day, and I was ill-prepared.  I remember looking around my apartment on Thursday night wondering how I was going to get it all done.  Oh, and I was sick.  I forgot to mention that.  My summer cold that I don't remember getting this EARLY hit Monday when I woke up.

Saturday I was planning on cleaning my apartment, but a nasty fever & cough & plague-ness prevented that.  Sunday, I reported for my first meeting as an LTP Intern.  Then the next Monday, I was really sick, but HAD to get my apartment cleaned since the moving was done & I had to be out by midnight.  And Tuesday-Sunday were all LTP days filled with awkward orientating & dealing with my own insecurities -- which by the way don't come out in a nice way.  I'm a beast of pride when I'm insecure & it's ridiculous.

Now onto lessons learned:

• I will NEVER pay to have a moving company pack for me again.  I am overwhelmed by the fact that I have no idea where anything is because none of my boxes are labeled.
• When you throw me into a group with people I don't know, I will fluctuate between feeling inferior to and superior than everyone else.  It's a pretty volatile process.
• I have absolutely NO doubt that God absolutely wants me here this summer.
• I am a Lion/Beaver living with a bunch of Otters.
• The more I pursue Jesus, the more I cry.  There's a very strong correlation between how close to God & Jesus I feel and how much I freaking cry.  It's not cool at all.
• I'm grateful I'm not comfortable being an asshole to people anymore.

It's been a great journey.  I'm going to end with a picture of this awesome flower on a tree at Tan-Tar-A during the intern retreat.  It bloomed with me.